Chris Says Stuff
Ladies and gentlemen, he’s back.
Genuine Chris. For your enjoyment.

Ladies and gentlemen, he’s back.

Genuine Chris. For your enjoyment.

You have me dying.

I told Chris what you said.

Jack said: ‘I presume she means that she thinks you’re funny.’ 

Chis said: ‘Either that or she thinks I’m a necropheliac.’

 Honest to God, I don’t make this shit up. 

if a dog was running into the woods, how far does it run into the woods?
Anonymous

Reply sent via text message:

Depends on how big the area of the woods was if it was an acre you could easily catch up to it if it was a few hectare you will see it but not gurannte catch it also how thick is the foliage how dense is the woods to see the dog run in he woods how can you theoretically answer it and Jessie u Shud c this turd burglar on tv needs hanging

In answer to an anonymously submitted question.

In answer to an anonymously submitted question.

Why is that thing you said.
Anonymous

I have drawn up his answer very quickly as a comic as it was too good to just write down.

what is my name
Anonymous

How the fuck do I know their name?

Ideal woman?
Anonymous

“Beautiful kind funny sweet caring nice personality easy to get along with nice white teeth prefer to b British white or black not the other ones tho non smoker is Gd don’t mind bout size or height long as not got a cock”.

Vague descriptions are his forte.

Vague descriptions are his forte.

I cannot for the life of me remember what this was in reference to.. 

I cannot for the life of me remember what this was in reference to..